


And Gunpowder

by Peanutbutterer



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 21:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 10,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peanutbutterer/pseuds/Peanutbutterer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Assorted drabbles for NCIS: LA.  Usually K/D but occasionally gen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"So."

“So.”

Deeks perches on the edge of Kensi’s desk and nods to the assortment of flowers beside him. “Those are pretty.”

Kensi smiles, tucking the card into her drawer. “Yeah, they are.”

“That’s very thoughtful of… Kevin.”

She frowns. “Kevin?”

“Nick.”

“Who’s Nick?”

“Howie?”

Kensi folds her arms across her chest and looks at him pointedly.

Deeks just shrugs. “I can’t remember the name of the guy you’re seeing.”

“So you thought you’d run through the Backstreet Boys?”

“Those are Backstreet Boys?”

She raises an eyebrow.

He waves her off. “I always get them confused with ‘N Sync.”

“And why exactly do you think I’m dating a member of a boy band?”

“Because of your horrible taste in music, of course.”

“I have horrible taste in something, that’s for sure.” Kensi stands, scowl firmly set, and says to the room at large, “I’m going to the range. Back in a few.”

When she’s gone, Callen shakes his head but doesn’t look up from his paperwork. “You really have a way with women, Deeks.”

“A way of pissing them off,” Sam says, tossing a completed report onto a pile of folders. “You should spend less time talking around Kensi. You know she’s armed.”

“Not when she’s in the bullpen.”

Callen snorts. “You think she needs to have a gun to do damage to you? I thought you were smarter than that.”

Deeks slides off Kensi’s desk and walks over to his own. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

“Take ‘em where you can get ‘em,” Sam agrees. “That’s a good policy. You never know when or if you’ll get a real one.”

“So,” Deeks says, not at all as casually as he intends, “those flowers are pretty.”

Sam taps his pen on his chin. “Now where have I heard that before… oh yeah.” He points to Deeks. “You. Like two minutes ago.”

“Kind of focused on the flowers, aren’t you, Deeks?” Callen asks.

“They brighten up the room nicely. I’m thinking of getting some for myself.” He shuffles some paperwork around on his desk. “Do you happen to know where they came from?”

“Probably a florist.”

“Right, yeah. A florist. Someone picked them out though. Someone with great taste, obviously.” He clears his throat. “Do you happen to know who that would be?”

Callen pretends to think about it. “Probably that guy that she’s been seeing.”

“Right, that guy.” Deeks scratches the back of his neck. “What guy was that again?”

“You remember,” Callen says to Sam, “she was talking about that guy just yesterday.”

Sam just shakes his head and does his best to hide his smile.

Callen turns to Deeks. “She hasn’t mentioned him to you? Seemed pretty taken with him.”

“Huh. Yeah, right. Of course. That guy. I forgot about that guy.”

“Of course.”

Deeks tosses the papers he’s been playing with onto his desk and points toward the exit. “I’m going to hit the gym. Work off some of this uh, this boredom.”

Sam watches him leave. “That’s cold, G. That’s cold.”

“What?” Callen asks with the most innocence he can muster.

“You going to tell him those flowers are from her mom?”

“That’s not my place, Sam. I’m not going to discuss a fellow agent’s personal life.” He tries to look scandalized.

“But you will make up a fictitious boyfriend and a fictitious conversation about said boyfriend.”

“I’m practicing the art of deception. I’m an undercover agent, Sam.” He presses his hand to his chest. “I have to hone my craft.”

“Mmm hmm.”

Callen’s eyes light up. “Remember Nell talking about the great date she had last night?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Huh. Must have imagined it. Oh, well,” he tosses down his pen and pushes away from his desk. “I’m going to go tell Eric about it. Brush up on my improvisational skills.”

“You know what you should really brush up on?” Sam asks, halting his partner before he makes his way out of the bullpen. “Defensive tactics. Make sure to focus on protecting yourself below the belt.”

Callen grins and turns to climb the stairs to ops. “Good advice, big guy. Good advice.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for lightedwindows, who asked: "kensi makes breakfast in bed!"

Deeks tries to smile.

“You like it?”

He nods, still smiling. “Mmm hmm.”

“It’s good?”

He nods again.

Kensi raises an eyebrow. “Does that mean you’re going to swallow it?”

“I’m trying,” he manages around a mouthful of food. “It’s like my gag reflex won’t let me.”

Kensi laughs, a full throaty laugh that warms him right to his toes. She grabs the napkin from the tray on his lap, opens it and holds it in front of his mouth.

He tries to telegraph an apology with his eyes as he spits the - whatever it was - into the napkin before reaching for the glass of orange juice.

She wads up the napkin and scrunches her nose. “I was pretty sure I put two tablespoons of pepper in instead of teaspoons, but at that point I was so far into the recipe I didn’t have the heart to turn back.”

Deeks finishes the glass of orange juice and leans in, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “It’s the thought that counts.”

She smiles and runs her fingers through his hair, bringing them to rest along his jaw. “Donuts?”

He kisses her lips. “Perfect.”

“Good thing you only love me for my mind,” she says, lifting the tray and setting it on the bedside table.

He tugs off the comforter and slips out of bed. “Don’t be silly. I love you for your body.”

“Well, we can agree it’s not for my cooking skills.”

“Yes, sugarbear,” he says, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close, “we can most certainly agree on that.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for anon, who asked: "deeks & kensi wake up together"

“This is not my bed.”

“And here I thought I was the detective.”

Kensi closes her eyes and drops her head back on the pillow. “Oh, good. I was worried that wit of yours wouldn’t be as sharp in the mornings.”

“Speaking of sharp, move over a little.” He pokes her in the side with his finger. “Your hips are like razor blades.”

“You move over. I’m not leaving the warm spot. It’s like 40 degrees out there.”

“If I move over I’m going to be on the floor.”

Kensi smiles.

“The bed would be considerably colder without my body heat.”

“But then I would be able to stretch out.” She spreads her arms to the sides. One hangs off the edge and the other lays across his bare chest. “What is this - a double? Do you have a set of Scooby-Doo sheets to go on it?”

Deeks wiggles a little, his side wedged partially beneath her. “You can stretch out with me here.”

She brings her arm in and twists so that her chest is pressed against him. “I thought you wanted my body away from yours.”

He scrunches his nose. “I was fibbing.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmm hmm. In fact, I think I want you even closer.”

She traces his side with her fingers. “How close, exactly?”

He threads a hand through her hair and leans in. “Extremely.”

“I think,” she says as she closes the distance between their lips, “that can be arranged.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for hariboo, who gave me the first sentence: “You know if we really think about it, this could have gone worse,” Deeks says while Kensi is trying to pick the locks of their handcuffs. "

"You know, if we really think about it, this could have gone worse," Deeks says while Kensi is trying to pick the lock of their handcuffs.

She scoffs and presses her back more firmly against his. “They could be hungry sharks?”

“I was going to say I could be tied to Sam, but you make a valid point.” He nods toward the nearby carnage. “They did just eat Mr. Ponytail over there.”

“Lucky us.”

Deeks watches the water ripple below them. “You know, I’ve wished on multiple occasions that my life would more closely resemble a James Bond film, but this is not at all what I had in mind.”

“Please don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“I really don’t want my last moments to involve the name Octopussy.” She tries to find the right angle for the pin. “Scoot a little left.”

“I was going to say Pussy Galore,” he says as he scoots. “Is that off-limits too?”

“Your other left. And yes, that too.”

He scoots again. “Holly Goodhead?”

“Deeks.”

He smiles at the exasperation in her tone. “Death by shark looking more appealing?”

“By the minute.” The lock clicks open and Kensi slides her wrist from the cuff. With one hand out, she makes quick work of Deeks’ cuff and then easily releases them from the second pair.

Once they’re free, she turns around and raises an eyebrow. “Well? You going to say it?”

Deeks grins. “Looks like we’re going to Die Another Day.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for anon, who requested: "deeks confessing his love to kensi"

“I love you.”

It wasn’t until she froze, hands fisted in his hair and lips pressed against his chest, that he realized exactly what it was he’d said.

If there was a god, Deeks reasoned, he or she would open up a hole in the floor and swallow him, humiliation and all, leaving his partner - his sexy, fiery, badass partner - naked and alone in his bed without the memory of his mindless, sex-triggered, ridiculously ill-timed confession.

Instead, he lay there, breathing heavily, doing anything and everything he could do avoid her gaze.

“This,” he corrected clumsily, fingers digging into her hips. “I love this.”

Slowly, mercifully, she resumed their practiced rhythm, her breasts pressing against him as she increased speed.

“I,” she said quietly, her breath hot on his ear, ” I love this, too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for irony-rocks, who requested: "magical realism"

“Oh man,” Deeks panted as he pressed himself more firmly against the crate. The wooden, flammable crate. “Kensi is going to kill us.”

“Us?” Callen shook his head, lowering himself down beside Deeks. “Uh uh. She is going to kill you.”

“Me?”

“You’re the one that pissed off the dragon. Plus?” Callen waved his hand in Deeks’ general direction. “Hydro-mage. You should have doused it long before it reached the SRX.”

“Ever heard of fighting fire with fire? You could toss some flames in his direction and keep the heat off us a little, you know.”

“And risk scorching her car more? Fat chance of that. I’m keeping my pyrotechnics out of this particular encounter.”

Deeks stuck his head out for a second, only to wrench it back in as another blast of firey breath bore down on them. “I find it hard to believe that me pelting him with water will do us any favors.”

“So, we’re agreed then.”

“Looks like it. But you’re going to have to ask her. I’m thinking she’s going to refuse any requests that come from me.”

“You made her port you from a bad date again, didn’t you?”

“Hey, don’t judge me. If you’d spent the evening with that witch, you would have wanted to vanish too.”

Callen sighed. “You owe me a case of beers for this.”

“Deal.”

Callen pulled out his cell phone and hit the speed dial. “Hey, Eric. Is Nell there?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for anon, who requested: "truth or dare"

“Truth or dare? Are you serious?”

“I’m bored.”

“And a fifteen-year-old girl?”

Deeks rolls his eyes. “Fine. If you want me to find another way to entertain myself, I can.” He clears his throat dramatically.

Before a single note can come out of his mouth, Kensi’s hand is covering it.

“Don’t even think about singing,” she says before dropping her fingers from his lips. “We’ll play your stupid game.”

Deeks grins and rubs his hands together. “Super! Truth or dare?”

Kensi huffs to ensure he knows she’s doing this under protest. “Dare.”

“Of course. Why did I even bother asking the question?”

“Because you’re an idiot.”

“You know,” he says, dropping his head back on the headrest, “the first few hours of this op weren’t so bad, but round about hour five in this candy-drawer you call a car, your personality took a turn for the worse.”

Kensi bristles. “Are you saying you don’t find my company enjoyable?”

“I’m saying I think Sam would have gone for truth.”

“Sam would have duct-taped you to the dash.”

Deeks tilts his head thoughtfully. “Also a distinct possibility.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for lightedwindows, who requested: "neon purple"

Kensi flicks open the curtains and steps out of the dressing room.

“Wow. So, Hetty’s been tippling again, yeah? We should lock up the scotch before she does any damage.” Deeks waves his hand in her direction before amending, “Any more damage, anyway.”

"Why are you always here?" Kensi asks, tugging at the hem of her shirt and stepping up to the mirror. "Don’t you ever have work to do?"

"Is that neon purple? It is, right?"

She meets his eyes in the mirror and gives him her most withering glare.

Deeks is completely unfazed. “Oh my god. Is it Hypercolor?”

"Hyper-what?"

He steps up behind her and reaches for her top. “Can I touch it?”

Kensi swats his hand away. “You most certainly cannot.”

"Are you going to put your hair in a side-ponytail?"

"I’m going to put my fist in your face."

He scrunches up his nose. “Just when I think you’re improving with the repartee, you go and say something like that.”

Kensi sighs and tugs at her shirt again. “I hate you.”

"You hate your outfit."

"That too."

He steps up beside her. “Come on, let’s get you a Twinkie.”

"I ate the last one yesterday."

"No worries." He drops his arm around her shoulders and tugs her toward the bullpen. "There’s probably one in the timecapsule where Hetty found that outfit."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> written pre-airing of 4x24

Kensi watches as Michelle leans up, pressing her lips to Sidorov’s. It seems to reassure him, but for Kensi, it has a completely different effect.

"You think she’s going to sleep with him now?" 

She hears the words coming out of her mouth but they feel foreign and awkward and angry and she was good - she knows she was good. Why can’t she just leave it alone?

Beside her, Deeks frowns and lowers his binoculars. “What? Why would she do that?”

"Isn’t that what everyone does? You want to convince someone of your allegiance so you screw them, right?" She pushes off the ground where she’s crouched and spins on her heels, as if some part of her brain thinks that if she can get far enough away, he won’t be able to hear her.

"Kensi," he calls after her, but she doesn’t turn around.

"I mean, that’s what you did, so that’s SOP, yeah?" God, why can’t she stop talking?

"Kens -"

"I wonder how Sam will take it," she says, dropping angrily onto her bike and reaching for her helmet. She looks up at him as he crosses to her. "Think he’ll understand?"

"First of all, stop." He puts his hand on the helmet before she can lift it to her head. "She’s not going to sleep with him."

"Why not?"

"Because it’s not going to get that far."

"Right, right," her mouth continues, in complete defiance of the commands coming from her brain. “‘Cause it’s only stolen nukes right? I mean, if it was a handful of jewels, that’d require much more drastic measures."

"I did what I had to do, Kensi, and you know that."

"I know that you did it, and I assume that you enjoyed it. I mean, she’s your type right? Perky, flirty, just a little bit crazy."

He shakes his head. “No, that’s not - well,” he looks at her, an oddly sentimental glimmer in his eyes, “the crazy part is right.”

She bites down on her tongue to keep from responding, the anger fading away quickly, the mood shifting like the gentle gusts of wind that whip around them.

"I do have a type, Kens," he says, stepping closer, his legs brushing against her thigh. "But it’s very, very specific.

"Brown hair, mismatched eyes," he continues, his hands coming up to cup her face and tilt her eyes up to meet his, "unhealthy addiction to junk food and techno music. Absolutely terrible sense of humor."

Deeks leans forward, slowly, as if pulling against some imaginary force.

“Okay, guys. Target’s on the move.”

Callen’s voice echoes in her ears and Deeks stills for a moment, eyes flicking to her lips. Her heart thunders in her chest as he slowly pulls away.

"We’re headed out," he answers, eyes still on Kensi’s, fingers still warm against her skin.

She tries to say something, but she can’t remember how to make a sound.

"You’re it for me, Kens," he says, reaching for her helmet and pressing it into her hands. "And when this is all over, I’m going to prove it to you."

Callen’s voice resumes barking orders in her ears and Deeks turns away, leaving Kensi to secure her helmet and try to calm her racing pulse.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for anon, who requested: "Densi, just found out the gender of their first child. Its a girl"

“No.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“I can see it in your eyes.”

Deeks laughs and leans back in his chair. ”Over the phone?”

Across from him, Callen raises his eyebrows expectantly. “Well?”

Deeks grins. “A girl.”

“Congratulations, you two.”

“Callen says congrats,” he tells Kensi. “Also, he backs me up on this.”

“He does not!” Callen yells so that Kensi can hear.

“He does,” Deeks insists.

“Well, Callen doesn’t get a vote. I do. And my vote is no.”

Deeks throws up a hand. “But my vote is yes!”

“My vote is no!” Callen chimes in, earning him a pointed glare.

“Kensi says you don’t get a vote.”

“Hold on,” she says in Deeks’ ear, “I’m rethinking.”

He sighs.

“Okay, I’m at the car,” she says over the sound of keys jingling. “I’ll see you in a minute. Love you.”

“Love you too, babe. And little Martina, too.”

“I said no.”

“Just give it a while. You’ll warm up.”

“Not happening.”

“Martina!” he sings, “I created a girl named Martina, and suddenly that name will never be the same again! Mar-”

The line goes dead. 

“She never was a big musical fan,” he tells Callen. “She’ll come around.”

Callen shakes his head and goes back to his paperwork,

He’s humming West Side Story, though, so Deeks considers it a victory.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for anon, who requested: "densi, son"

“Mama?”

Kensi stops in the doorway, hand hovering over the light switch. “What, buddy?”

“Tomorrow can we go to the ice cream shop?”

She looks over her shoulder. “Maybe. Let’s see how the day goes.”

“Okay,” he says with a heavy sigh and a roll of his eyes. 

She wonders if all three year olds are going on sixteen or if it’s just hers. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Mama?” he asks again.

“What, buddy?”

“Can I have more water?”

“Nope. Not unless you want to put on a diaper. Do you want to put on a diaper?”

He sighs again. “No.”

“Okay, then. Get some sleep.” She flips off the light.

“Mama?”

She turns around this time. “What?”

“Where’s Little Bear?”

“On your pillow.” She points at it. “Where your head should be.”

“Fine, fine,” he says, but he stays upright. “Mama?”

“Buddy, it’s late. You need to get some sleep. You get one more question and then I’m going to go.”

He scrunches up his face in what starts as a frown but morphs into some very serious thinking. “Two questions.”

She shakes her head. “Nope. One.”

“Three.”

“That’s not how bartering works, and no. Just one.”

“Okay, okay,” concedes reluctantly.

She folds her arms across her chest and tries to look stern. “What’s your question, kiddo?”

“Is,” he thinks about it a moment, “is Daddy coming home tomorrow?”

She crosses to his bed and kneels beside it. He looks up at her, eyes big and round as she sweeps the hair from his forehead and presses a kiss against his skin. 

“I hope so, little man,” she says softly, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. “I hope so.”

“Good,” he says firmly, words slightly muffled by her shoulder, “‘cause Daddy will take me to the ice cream shop.”

“You’re right.” She laughs a watery laugh. “I bet he will.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for caskettdensi, who requested: "Officer Marty Deeks arrests an undercover Kensi and she can't break cover"

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Kensi curses internally. When she gets back to the mission she’s going to have a little chat with Parker about his liaising skills. 

She raises her hands, letting her finger come up off the trigger, but not releasing the gun. “Really? Did you just walk off a Hollywood set or something?”

“I thought it was slightly more creative than ‘Stop or I’ll shoot.’ Was I wrong?”

“Eh.” She shrugs. “Neither are great.”

He gestures with the barrel of his gun. “Put it on the ground.”

She considers her options only a moment before realizing she only has one. Santiago is on the other side of the street, two uniforms holding their weapons on him. He keeps glancing over at her, eyes flickering between apprehension and anger.

She bends over slowly, making sure to give the officer the best view she can manage, and carefully sets her weapon down.

She stands and he holsters his sidearm, retrieving a set of handcuffs as he steps up behind her. 

“Nice ass,” he says as he slips a cuff around her wrist.

She brushes her back against his chest as his fingers wrap around her other arm. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She looks over her shoulder and gives him her most seductive smile, face inches from his. His eyes are blue and his teeth are white and, damn, he’s a little bit gorgeous.

“But you’re not my type.” He wrenches the metal around her other wrist, pinching her skin as he clicks it closed. “And you’re under arrest.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for anon, who requested a continuation of the previous drabble

“Well, your story checks out.”

The officer steps into the room, keys jingling in his hands and smirk firmly planted on his smug, scruffy, inexplicably attractive face.

Kensi mentally rolls her eyes - at herself, at him, at her shitty, shitty day. “I’m shocked.”

“You going to drop the act?”

“Which act is that?”

He waves a finger in her general direction. “The one where you’re all feisty.”

“Maybe when these handcuffs stop biting into my wrists I’ll have more success channeling my charming personality.”

He snorts. “Here’s hoping.”

He comes around behind her, fingertips brushing against her skin as he slips the key into the lock. She tries very hard to suppress a shiver. Stupid body. She needs to get laid, clearly.

And not by him. Nope. Not him.

She pulls her hands in front of her and rubs her fingers around her wrists. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

She pushes out of her chair, already making plans for the evening. She’s going to go straight back to the mission, take a long, cold shower, put on her highest heels and hit that new club on Ventura. There will be booze. There will be dancing. There will hopefully be sex.

“Well, Officer, it’s been a blast.”

“Detective, actually.”

She raises her eyebrows. “What’s with the uniform?”

He looks a little embarrassed. God, he can be cute too? She’s got to get out of here.

“It’s temporary.”

“Aww. Busted down to traffic for letting a druggy get the jump on you?”

He clears his throat. “I thought you were going to be nicer when I freed you.”

“I’m not free yet.”

“See,” he shakes his head, “I just think you’re always like this.”

“Well, I guess you’ll never know.” She gives him a toothy smile before reaching for the door.

“I just might.”

Her hand stills on the handle. “Excuse me?”

“We’re going to be working together.”

She turns around to face him. “We as in, you and me? We?”

“That would be the definition, yes. Are you sure you’re a federal agent?”

This time she rolls her eyes for real.

“Apparently,” he continues, “this case is going to require some LAPD and NC-whatever-it-is cooperation.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, Detective, but that would be between you and our liaison, Thomas Parker.”

He’s grinning. A smug sort of thing that makes her imagine the various ways she could wipe it off.

“Yeah, no. It would be between me and one Special Agent Kensi Blye, according to some lady who my lieutenant finds supremely intimidating.”

Kensi drops her head. _Shit_. “Hetty.”

“That’s the one. She must be something to have Bates rolling over.” He claps his hands and rubs them together. “So. Pizza or chinese?”

“Jack on the rocks.”

He laughs. “Even better.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for lightedwindows, who asked: ringtone/wallpaper war

Deeks runs his finger over the touchpad of his laptop, waking it up from sleep. He settles into his chair and enters his password.

“Shit!” he yells, slamming the lid down as fast as he can. “What the hell?”

Across from him, Kensi is doing an absolutely horrible job of smothering her laughter.

“When did - how?”

She pretends to think about it. “Well, I imagine there’s a lot of stretching first, but it doesn’t seem too implausible. I’d have to look at it again if you want in-depth instructions.”

Deeks turns red. “Not that. The - how did you get into my computer? I changed my password this morning.”

She shrugs, unrepentant. “You’re pretty easy to crack, partner.”

Beside him, Sam snorts. “Was it ‘Monty’?”

Callen leans back in his chair and points at Deeks with his pen. “Surfing.”

Deeks rolls his eyes. “I’m not a twelve-year-old girl. I can come up with complicated passwords.”

Kensi smiles. “Yeah. It was ‘sushi’ with a one where the ‘i’ should be.”

Sam, Callen and Kensi all laugh and Deeks shakes his head. “I hate you all.”

“That’s too bad,” Kensi says, returning her attention to her own laptop. “I was hoping to try that one out sometime.”

“Okay, no, wait.” He nods at Callen and Sam. “You two, I hate. Kensi, darling, I love you. Unwaveringly.”

“Uh huh.”

“Unequivocally.”

She rolls her eyes. 

He grins. “Bendily.”

She smirks. “I guess we’ll have to see about that.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> written as a missing scene for the sneak-peek for 5x02

Kensi’s on her back in her bed, staring unseeing at the ceiling when her phone vibrates on the nightstand beside her. Her chest immediately tightens and her pulse picks up.

She closes her eyes, counts backwards from ten and breathes deeply. The phone vibrates again, reminding her that she hasn’t looked at the screen.

It’s not him, she tells herself. She takes another breath. It’s never him. There’s no reason to get worked up.

(But she gets worked up anyway, of course - every damn time.)

She reminds herself that she’s a highly trained, extremely deadly federal agent and reaches for the phone.

Had a gr8 time, reads the text. Drinks again 2nite?

It takes a herculean effort not to hurl her phone across the room. Instead, she holds down the button, powering it off completely. It’s not like it’s caused her anything but pain in the last four months, anyway.

She drops the phone on the bed and sits on the edge, hands gripping the mattress. It’s quarter to nine. She has exactly forty-five minutes to shake this off, slap on a smile and go undercover as herself, yet again.

She’s had harder missions, she’s sure.

Just none that come to mind.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for pracarual, who requested: “cronut”

Deeks’ arm around her tightens. “Don’t even think about it.”

Kensi freezes. She’d been trying to move slowly so he wouldn’t wake up - partially because he needed sleep; partially because she thought it prudent not to be quite so intertwined when he woke. “Hmm?”

“You are not eating that cronut.”

Okay, that was another part. “How’d you know?”

“I’m a detective.”

She snorts.

“Your stomach’s been growling for the last five minutes and Yummy Yummy does not keep well overnight. Also, you love donuts.”

“I need to work on being harder to read.”

“Then I’ll just work on reading you better.”

Her heart flutters a little. Damn heart. She twists her head so she can see his face. His eyes are still closed and he looks pretty close to peaceful. “You going to let me up?”

“It’s not something I was planning on doing, no.”

She drops her head back down onto his chest. “I’m hungry.”

“But you’re comfy.”

“I’m comfy,” she agrees, burrowing closer.

The cronut will still be there in ten minutes.

Deeks presses his cheek against the top of her head and holds her even closer.

It’ll be there in an hour, too.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Guest, who asked for something Halloween related.

Kensi sighs and brushes the wrappers off her lap and onto the floor. She pushes off the couch and makes her way to the door, grabbing the big bowl of chocolates as she goes. She's down to about a dozen fun-sized candy bars, which means it's probably time to turn out the porch light. If she maintains her "give one, eat one" rule then she can only feed about six more kids.

She adjusts her tiara, plasters on a smile, and swings open the door.

"Trick or treat!"

Her partner stands on her doorstep, hands tucked into the pockets of his grey hoodie, smirk firmly in place.

"I have a no-costume, no-treat rule, you know."

"Really?"

"Luckily, you came as a homeless man."

He makes a face.

She tosses him a Snickers.

"You going to let me in?"

She pretends to think about it.

"You better decide quick, 'cause I just passed some zombies, two Captain Americas, and a pair of witches who all looked really hungry. You wouldn't want them to deplete your stash."

She sort of hates that he knows her so well. "Hurry up."

He follows her inside, flipping off the exterior light and closing the door behind him. He toes off his shoes before planting himself in the center of her couch.

She grabs a Butterfinger and sets the bowl on the coffee table. "I figured you'd be out at some trashy bar picking up fake nurses."

He scoffs. "You know very well I prefer real nurses."

"Beggars can't be choosers."

"So mean."

She smiles brightly.

"How about you? No masquerade ball?"

She shrugs. "Nah. I figured I'd support local dentistry instead."

"Ever the philanthropist." He nudges her with his shoulder. "You doing okay?"

She shakes her head once, telling him to drop it. "I told you already, Deeks. It's just a scratch."

"I didn't mean physically, Kens."

"I'm fine."

"Fine?"

"Great. I'm fantastic. Super, even." She looks at him pleadingly. "Can we get on with our lives?"

"Can I just state for the record that I don't believe you?"

"Yes, councillor." She rolls her eyes. "The record shall so reflect."

"Okay." He points to the television. " _Creepshow 3_ started ten minutes ago."

"Oh, god. There are three of them?"

He wiggles his eyebrows. "I hear it's the worst horror film ever made."

She reaches for the remote. "Sold."

Deeks leans forward and grabs the bowl as she flips through the channels. "Snickers or Milky Way?"

"Snickers."

He tosses her the candy and opens the other for himself.

"That's all you get," she says as she leans back into the couch. "The rest are mine."

He laughs and settles in beside her. "Yes, princess."

"Get it?" he asks when she doesn't laugh. "Princess. 'Cause you're wearing a tiara."

"Yes, Deeks, I got it."

"You sure? 'Cause that should have at least drawn a smile."

"I'm sure."

"You want me to try it again, now that you're prepared?"

"Please, no."

"I feel like I earned some sort of positive affirmation."

She does her fakest, most obnoxious laugh.

He smiles. "Now was that so hard?"

"Just watch the damn show."

"Yes, your majesty."

This time when she laughs, it's for real.

She's not fine, she knows it. But she can safely say that right at this moment she's feeling a whole lot better.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for kimbercullen, who requested: "zombie apocalypse."

"I think Sam's better suited for this job."

Sam raises his eyebrows in silent challenge - daring Deeks to continue.

"You know, because you're -" he waves his hands in Sam's general direction, "bigger."

"Excuse me?"

"You'd be much more of an attractor."

Callen doesn't even bother smothering his laugh. "I think he's saying he's attracted to you, big guy."

"No, not like - you're just meatier."

"He wants to sink his teeth into you."

"I mean," Deeks continues over Callen's continued amusement, "you offer them up a big heaping pile of Sam or a little plate of scrawny me and it wouldn't even be a choice, really."

"If I'd had the choice..." Kensi says with a smirk.

Deeks glares.

"You don't think I'd have snagged Sam instead if he was single? He _is_ meatier."

"That's not funny."

Kensi shakes her head with a laugh. "What's funny is that you think continuing to talk is helping your case."

Deeks lifts his hands in a helpless gesture. "I'm right though, right? I mean, we should make Sam be the bait, it's just logic."

"Logic," Sam says between gritted teeth, "would be for me to chop you up and toss your parts in different directions. That'd really get them off our trail."

Deeks frowns.

Callen slaps his thighs and stands. "So, then, it looks like it's up to you. You can be bait as whole Deeks or piecemeal Deeks."

He sighs and stands as well. "I'm starting to feel like my vote doesn't carry much weight in this particular democracy."

Callen pats him on the back and gestures toward the door. "Tell it to the zombies."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For duskbutterfly, who requested: "midnight bottle."

"Seriously?"

"Hmm?"

"You're just going to sit there?"

"Is there somewhere else I should sit?"

Sam shakes his head. "Some partner you are."

"We had a deal. You get the two to four shift. It is," Callen checks his watch, "nine after three. That's not even a grey area."

"But you're up!"

Callen just shrugs. "Not my shift."

Sam grumbles all the way to the refrigerator. He blinks at the florescent light for a minute before his pupils adjust and he can find what he's looking for. "You could at least pick her up while I heat the milk."

"I'm sorry, did the time change?"

"You're heartless." Sam drops the bottle in the warmer and clicks it on.

Callen gestures to the book in his hands. "I'm in the middle of my studies."

"And you can't take a thirty-second break to ease the suffering of a helpless infant?"

"I'm in the let-cry camp."

"Remind me never to sign on to one of your dumbass plans again." Sam makes his way across the house and into Callen's - he supposes it's a guest room; hard to tell without any furniture - and retrieves the baby girl from her portable crib. Her little hands are clenched in angry fists and her cheeks are red, tears spilling from her eyes.

Sam coos as he holds her to his chest, informing her that Uncle Callen is the least cool of all her uncles and he'll probably give really shitty birthday gifts.

"Not true," Callen says, not looking up from his book as Sam returns to the kitchen. "I'll give her money. Everyone loves money."

"Yeah, I hear that's on all the little girls' wishlists. Somewhere between pony and ninja sword."

"It is if they plan on having financial stability in the future."

Sam snorts. He grabs the bottle and rests his hips against the counter, the baby's sobs quieting into sniffles the instant the milk reaches her lips.

He watches her eat for a while before looking up at Callen. "I hope Kensi and Deeks are getting enough rest tonight, because I don't plan on doing this again."

Callen smirks, nose still in his book.

Sam knows that smirk. "That's what we signed on for," he reminds him. "So they could rest."

"Sure."

"They're sleep-deprived."

"Sleep, yes. Other things too."

Sam covers one of her ears and presses the other to his chest before whispering, "I did not sign on to watch this kid so her parents could get freaky."

"Don't worry. It's Deeks. It's probably pretty vanilla."

"This is a nightmare. I'm not actually awake. That's got to be it."

"Don't be so squeamish. You're holding the physical manifestation of their sex life."

"I'm dreaming. I'm in bed. I'm warm and comfortable and this conversation never happened." He adjusts his hold on the baby. "Come on, little one. Let's leave Uncle Uncool to his farsi."

"Uncle Uncool is actually a cool nickname."

"It's all a dream. All a dream."

"See? That's why I'll be her favorite," Callen calls after Sam as he heads toward the crib. "You feed her lies and I will always tell her the truth!"

Sam ignores him and whispers to the baby. "Everyone's asleep right now. Especially your parents. _Definitely_ your parents."


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the jellyroll to my jam, who requested "Deeks and Kensi buying a couch" like six months ago. (I'm more than a little behind on these prompts. It's like cutting off the head of the hydra here, guys. I do one and five more sprout up. I'm cracking under the pressure. I've gone crazy and started cutting the heads off celebrities and pasting them on other bodies. NBD. JUST A LITTLE CRAZY. I'M FINE.)
> 
> * * *

"No. Huh uh. Absolutely not."

Kensi flips the price tag over. Not too bad. "I don't remember asking your opinion."

Beside her, Deeks folds his arms over his chest in a demonstration of his - petulance, maybe? She's not sure.

"You going to ask me to help you haul it into your new place?"

She drops the tag and trails her fingers over the arm rest. "Yes."

"Then I have to approve of it."

She laughs. "That is not at all logical."

"I'm just trying to save you from yourself."

She raises her eyebrows but doesn't take her gaze from the couch.

"It's hideous, Kens," he says. "It's got zebras on it."

She eases onto it and bounces a little before sinking in. It's a little bit glorious. "Only on the pillows."

"'Only on the pillows' is still too much zebra for any piece of furniture."

She looks up at him with a sigh. "What do you have against zebras?"

"What don't I have against zebras." He makes a face as he drops down beside her. "Did you know they bark? They bark, Kens."

"I did not know that."

"They've got no self-respect. None."

She tries not to smile. "Because they bark?"

"Not even good, hearty barks. They yip. Like little yippy dogs."

He's scrunching up his nose. It's adorable.

"You don't like yippy dogs," she says.

"I don't like yippy dogs," he confirms.

"The kind people carry in purses."

"Dogs are not supposed to be in purses! They have four legs! Four!"

"You changed your mind about poodles -"

"I did not."

"- maybe you'll change your mind about zebras."

"I doubt it," he huffs.

She grins and leans over. "But look at how wide and squishy it is. It would be a great place for -"

"Kensi, I am not having sex on zebras."

She snorts.

"Okay," he amends, "I will have sex on zebras. But I'm going to be cranky about it."

"This from the guy with a -"

"Don't even - "

"- pink cat pillow."

"Pink cats are more masculine than zebras."

"Oh yeah?"

"The Pink Panther? Kickass."

"Hello Kitty is also pretty fierce."

"Hello Kitty is white."

She raises her eyebrow.

"So I've heard."

She puts her hand on top of his. "You going to tell me what's really going on?"

"I just," he scratches at the back of his neck, "I just thought that maybe we were close to, you know."

She doesn't know. She has no idea. "Close to what?"

He looks over at her, expression uncharacteristically vulnerable. "I thought maybe we'd do future furniture shopping, you know," he shrugs, "together."

It takes her a moment to process the words. "But, we've - we've only been together for like six weeks."

"We've only been having sex for six weeks, Kensalina. We've been together for a lot longer than that."

She's floundering. "Platonically."

It's his turn to raise an eyebrow.

Okay, she'll concede that point. "Not biblically?"

He shakes his head. "Kens, you're it for me. I don't want to have to wait on some predetermined timetable because of someone else's standards of what's acceptable. We're a different case. We've never done things the normal way." He turns his hand in hers and laces their fingers together. "I love you Kensi and I love being with you. I want to be with you all the time."

At least, that's what she thinks he says. It's kind of hard to hear over the echo of her pounding heart in her ears. "It does suck to sleep alone."

He smiles.

"Without Monty, I mean."

He makes a face. "Really? I tell you I love you and you still -"

She cuts him off with a kiss. Her lips are smiling as they press against his. "I love you, too, Deeks."

"More than zebras?"

"More than zebras."

"But you're still getting -"

" _We're_ still getting the couch, yes."

"I'll take it."

* * *

As it turns out, he totally does have sex on zebras. And he's not even cranky about it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For anon, who requested: "everyone wakes up genderflipped for some reason."

"Eric, if you don’t get us out of this fucking freaky sci fi bullshit you’re going to be really glad you don’t have balls anymore."

Kensi raises her - his? - eyebrows and whispers to Deeks, “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Sam cuss before.”

Deeks doesn’t look up from his boobs. “I think technically you still haven’t.”

Sam growls and says something under his breath that sounds a lot like “I hope you’re on your period.”

Callen clears his throat. It sounds like birds singing. “Okay, big guy.” He looks at his partner and frowns. “Big girl? Nice girl? My special lady friend?”

Sam’s not smiling. “I’m glad you all are having fun with this.”

Deeks has started fondling his boobs. “I will have fun with this forever.”

Kensi swats Deeks’ hand away and accidentally brushes her hand against his chest. Something stirs in her pants and she’s simultaniously horrified and excited.

“That’s not fair, Fern - wait, why are you blushing?”

Kensi turns even redder and tries to surreptitiously clasp her hands in front of her.

“You know what we should do?” Deeks says, eyes bright and lashes luxurious. “We should kick Kensi in the balls so she can truly appreciate the sensation!”

Kensi snorts. “Yeah, sure, right after we put you in a lycra miniskirt and six inch heels and then make you jump a chain-link fence.”

Deeks’ face lights up even more. He’s stunning. “Do you think Hetty has one of those?”

“Got it!” Eric says, manicured nails tapping rapidly across his keyboard. “This should -”

Deeks puts up his hands. “No, wait, I want to see these things in a push-up -”

There’s a flash of white light and Kensi’s pants loosen considerably.

“- bra.”

“Oh, thank god.”

Beside her, Deeks sighs. “Do you think Hetty will still let me wear the heels?”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For anon, who requested "booty call"

Kensi looks up from her paperwork as her partner waltzes into the bullpen. She frowns at him. “Are you whistling?”

Deeks sets his bag on his desk and drops into his chair. “I am.”

"You’re even worse at whistling than you are at singing. That’s a feat."

He shakes his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"You just going to take that, Deeks?" Sam asks.

Deeks shrugs, totally unperturbed.

Callen looks up from his laptop. He looks at Deeks with squinty eyes. “You’re in a good mood.”

"Yup."

"Fish tacos for breakfast again?" Sam guesses.

"Nope."

"Good waves this morning?"

"I wouldn’t know."

"Slept in?" Kensi asks, giving up on her paperwork completely.

Deeks nods at that. “I did.”

"Must have been up late,” Sam says. “Booty call?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

Something sticks in Kensi’s throat. It’s either her “marathoning BSG again?” question or her heart. 

It’s probably her heart.

"Huh," says Callen. "I didn’t know kids these days still did that."

“Yes, grandpa,” Sam rolls his eyes, “some people actually have sex.”

“Hey, I have sex,” Callen defends.

Sam just gives him a look.

“I do! I did. I have, you know, in the past.”

Kensi barely registers their conversation as she struggles to wrangle her current emotions. Which is dumb, of course, because why should she have emotions about this? Why would Deeks having sex make her want to vomit? God, she really wants to vomit. 

She tries to swallow without choking.

"Not recently really," Callen continues, "but I’m working on rewiring the house so -” He clears his throat and redirects his attention. “So, Deeks, how was it?”

Kensi expects him to brush Callen off - end this conversation and put her out of her misery, but he doesn’t.

“It was delightful, actually. Very entertaining.”

Yeah, no. She’s losing the ability to breathe.

“Entertaining how exactly? Were there props?”

“Callen wants tips.”

“I do not want tips.”

“He does,” Sam stage-whispers.

“Actually,” Deeks says as he reaches in his back pocket, “I happen to have an audio recording.”

“Oh my god, Deeks,” Kensi says, desperation helping her muster the ability to speak. “Please do not play that.”

Deeks ignores her request and starts tapping his phone. Sam and Callen both get up from their chairs and cross over to Deeks, eager to hear whatever he’s about to play.

Kensi stays where she is, unsure if her legs would even support her if she tried to move.

“Seriously?” Callen asks as he comes up beside Deeks. “Did you record the whole thing?”

Deeks shakes his head. “It cut out after a few minutes.”

“I am simultaneously desperately curious and horrified by the concept of this recording’s existence.”

“You don’t have to listen,” Callen assures his partner. “I’ll summarize for you.”

Sam snorts. “Like you’ll even know what’s going on.”

“I have sex sometimes, okay!”

“Uh huh.”

“I do!”

Sam grins. “Maybe you should record it as proof.”

“Okay, here it is,” Deeks says as he holds up his phone. He puts his finger to his mouth to silence the guys. “The beginning is my favorite part.”

Kensi’s jelly legs are going to have to be strong enough to carry her out of here because there’s no way in hell she’s going to sit here and - “Oh my god, is that _me_?”

She looks up to find her partner grinning from ear to ear.

It is. It is her and she’s - “Why do you have a recording of me singing?”

“Is that singing?” Callen asks, cringing. “It sounds like someone is strangling something.”

“Yeah,” Sam says, face equally contorted, “you’re not allowed to knock Deeks’ voice ever again.”

Embarrassment and confusion fuel her as she pushes out of her chair. She crosses to her partner, swiping his phone from his hand and shutting it off.

“What the hell, Deeks? How did you get that?”

He smiles and steps up to her, situating himself right in her space. His face is inches from hers when he reaches around and hovers his hand over her ass.

He raps his knuckles against the phone in her back pocket and grins triumphantly.

“Booty call.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Hermioniesmydawg, who requested the first sentence "Um, what's going on with your pants?"

"Um," she waves her hand in his general direction as she steps into the boat shed, "what's going on with your pants?"

Deeks looks down at himself and then back up at her. "They're shorts."

"I can see that. Why are you wearing shorts?"

"Are you saying you don't like them?"

"I'm saying you should probably already be seated when the suspect comes into interrogation."

He slides off the table. "Good plan. I don't want to distract her with my sexy calves."

"Yeah, that's it."

"Sexy knees?"

He starts walking toward her and, damn it, they are sexy knees.

She folds her arms across her chest and tries to look stern. "Say 'Patriot Act' and let me see if I can keep a straight face."

He steps up into her space. "You don't think she'll take me seriously?"

"I don't." The urge to touch him is really strong. Like, really strong. Has she not seen him in shorts before? She tries not to remember. Remembering would probably just bring her back to that time she saw him in only his boxers and - _damn it_.

"Or is it that you don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off my exposed thighs?"

She digs her nails into her palms and barks a laugh. "Oh my god, never say 'exposed thighs' again."

Deeks deflates. "What? That wasn't sexy?"

"No, that was not even a little sexy."

"But the shorts are sexy," he clarifies.

"The shorts are fine. Now every time I see them I'll just think of you saying 'exposed thighs' and it'll be like a bucket of cold water."

He lights up again. "So you're saying you needed a bucket of cold water."

"No," she says quickly. "Definitely not. Of course not."

"You are!" He's grinning. "I'm going to wear shorts every day."

"Please don't."

"Hetty will take some convincing, but -"

"There's a strict no-shorts policy, I'm sure of it." There has to be. If there isn't, one should be implemented immediately.

He's smirking as he backs out of her space and crosses to the couch. "Is that why you never wear them?"

Any relief she'd get from his distance is negated by the fact that the shorts ride up when he drops onto the couch, exposing his thighs. Damn it again.

She looks away. "To work? Yes, it's the policy that keeps me in jeans."

"Do you want to be out of jeans?" He wiggles his eyebrows and throws an arm across the back cushion. "I can arrange that."

"Deeks." She chucks her empty water bottle at him.

"Hey!" he exclaims as he deflects it. "I knew I should have gotten the glasses too. You'd never attack a man in glasses."

"Wait, gotten what glasses too?"

He sighs and brings one ankle up to the other knee. _Jesus_ she can see boxers.

"Erics."

"Those are _Eric's_ shorts?"

"What, you think I'd actually wear shorts to work?"

"You say that like it's more illogical than what actually transpired."

He scrunches up his nose. "It is. I would never wear shorts to work. I have to be presentable."

She crosses the room and drops onto the couch. Maybe if she's beside him she won't have to look at him. "And why exactly are you wearing someone else's pants?"

He sighs. "Because Eric's going out to dinner with that new girl on Parker's team and I mentioned that maybe shorts weren't what he should wear on a date and, well, he started panicking and there was no way Hetty would let him into wardrobe and so -"

"I'm sorry, back up. A date?"

He turns his head toward her, all doe-eyed. "They grow up so fast, don't they?"

"He's going on a date in your pants?"

"What? Oh, no. Gross, Kensi."

She smiles and relaxes into the couch. "Just saying. You probably didn't think that through."

He scrubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, no I definitely didn't think that through."

"Hey, at least they stand a chance of getting some action."

"My pants get action!"

"Lots of tumbling around in the dryer, I'm sure."

"Don't knock it. Dryers are like clothing rollercoasters."

Her cell phone vibrates and she retrieves it from her back pocket. "It's Callen. They're almost here."

"No time to run home and get another pair of jeans."

"Sadly."

"Sorry you'll be so distracted in there. I can take the lead if you like, let you just stand in the corner and close your eyes."

"Thanks. I wouldn't want to spend the entire interview laughing."

"What was that? Lusting?"

She laughs. "You're an idiot."

"An idiot with a lot of exposed skin." He scooches a little closer. "Would you like to touch it?"

Sort of. Desperately.

"Please tell me I did not hear what I think I just heard."

"Sam! Hey!" Kensi jumps away from Deeks like she's been burned.

"Oh, jesus, Deeks are those shorts?"

"They prefer length-impaired."

"My eyes are burning."

Kensi clears her throat. "It's from the white of his exposed thighs."

Sam shakes his head. "Deeks you better get in there and hide your legs behind the table before Callen brings the witness in. We don't want her laughing the whole time."

Kensi thwaps him on the arm with the back of her hand. "See? I told you!"

Deeks sighs and starts toward interrogation.

"And now I see why Eric never leaves ops."


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for anonymous, who requested "lady phase, daughter edition."

Kensi looks down at the box and then up at her husband. "Ultra thin?"

He has the same deer-in-the-headlights look on his face now as he did thirty minutes ago when she asked him to go to the store. "I don't know what size she is!"

Kensi raises an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, size?"

"You know," he lowers his voice, "inside."

"Are you under the impression that tampons are selected because of vagina width?"

"I'll go ahead and file that under expressions I never wanted to hear."

She smiles because he's adorable and really, really uncomfortable. "Vagina width."

"You're awful."

"So should I read something into the fact that you always buy me supers?"

He wiggles his eyebrows, suddenly back in his comfort zone. "Well I just have to assume if you can fit -"

"Oh god, Dad, _gross_." Their daughter appears in the doorway, looking horrified. "I mean, I know you guys, like, do it all the time but I don't actually want to hear about it."

"I was going to say 'a beautiful baby girl.' If you can fit a beautiful baby girl - with a seriously over-sized head and really pointy shoulders, by the way."

"Sure you were." Alice grabs the box from his hands and retreats into the bathroom.

"I was!"

Kensi shakes her head and calls after their daughter. "Let me know if you need help, honey."

"I'd rather hear Dad talk more about sex than have you in here for this, Mom."

He perks up at that. "Would you like to hear about the time you were conceived?"

Kensi turns toward the kitchen. "I think it's time for you to show me what kinds of chocolate you bought."

"I thought that was for Alice."

"No, you didn't."

He grins and follows after her. "No, I didn't."


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For anonymous, who requested "Manly Phase, son edition."

Deeks' eyes light up when he sees the box on the dresser.

"Easy there, Romeo. Those aren't for you."

He frowns. "Really?"

"Really." Kensi clicks off her phone and looks up, her expression serious.

He was totally not in the mood for serious.

"You've got to talk to him."

He crosses the room, lifting the comforter and sliding into bed beside her with his most dramatic groan. "Rock, paper, scissors?"

She holds firm against the puppy look - a skill which, much to his disappointment, she mastered long ago. "Oh, no. This one is solidly in your court."

"Because I'm a man? Kensi Marie Deeks, are you saying that there's something you as a woman are incapable of doing?"

"Nice try." She sets her phone on the bedside table. "I consider it a perk of motherhood."

"I would think the perk would be getting to participate in this formative moment in your son's development."

She makes a scrunchy face. "I changed his first diaper. I'll pass on this particular milestone."

He sighs and rolls onto his back, reaching for the sham and tossing it onto the floor, his head dropping to the pillow beneath it. Diapers. He remembers diapers. Not his favorite time, but had he known it would be used as leverage in the future he would have handled things a little differently.

"Maybe we could wait?" he tries. "I mean, he's only fourteen."

"No."

"He won't be having sex for years!"

"And you had sex when you were…"

Ugh. _Damn_. He huffs a little, folding his arms over the comforter. "Fine."

She turns off the light and burrows in next to him. Her fingertips brush the skin of his arm. "It's going to be okay, you know. When all is said and done he'll appreciate the effort, regardless of how awkward it is for both of you in the moment."

"I know, it's just…"

"He's growing up." She drops her chin onto his shoulder. "We knew it would happen."

"Did we know it would happen this fast?"

"No, definitely not."

"I'm feeling old."

"You are old."

"Thank you, dear."

She presses a kiss to his cheek. "How about on Monday you call Sam 'grandpa' a few times."

He loves this woman. "You always know how to make me feel better."

She laughs. "I try."

"Okay." He sighs and turns to face her. His eyes have adjusted to the darkness and he can just make out the outline of her face. He thinks she's smiling. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"Good. Do you want me to get a banana at the store?"

"Funny lady."

Now she's definitely smiling. "A cucumber?"

"I'll forgo the produce, I think."

"Suit yourself."

He scoots a little closer so his body is flush with hers. "Too bad about that box over there though. I had a few ideas on what to do with it."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

He leans in for a kiss, but she rolls over and he winds up with a face full of hair. As he sputters he hears her open the drawer of her bedside table and start rummaging around. He backs up just as she rolls back.

"What about this one?" she says with a triumphant grin. "Any ideas what to do with it?"

His eyes light up again and he smiles. He really, really loves this woman.

"Several."


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For anonymous, who requested "some densi smut interrupted by the team"

"Ow, shit!"

His 'sorry' is muffled in the kisses he's trailing along her shoulder. His lips reach her neck and she wriggles, resulting in a sharp prick to her exposed back.

"Move over," she says, tugging on his belt loops to get his attention, "there's something poking me."

His voice is gravelly, vibrating against her skin. "That would be me."

"In addition to you."

He makes a sound of protest, but does as instructed, grabbing her waist and spinning them until they come in contact with the adjacent wall.

She lets out a soft _oof_ when her back hits the smooth surface. "Better."

His hand is sliding into her jeans. "Much."

She tangles her fingers in his hair and drags his face up for a kiss. She can't see anything in the darkness of the small room, but she knows the way their bodies align and their lips meet perfectly.

"Yo, Kens!"

They freeze. Footsteps echo through the hallway outside the storage closet door and her brain starts reciting expletives in every language she can think of.

She's made it to _merde_ when she realizes Deeks' hand is still in her pants. She slaps his arm.

"Fuck," he yanks it out, "fuck, shit, fuck."

"Kensi?"

They fumble in the darkness and her fingers snag her cotton t-shirt, Deeks' cussing coming louder after some sort of altercation with a shelving unit.

She cringes as she tosses her shirt over her head. No way Callen didn't hear that.

"Smooth," she hisses.

Deeks whimpers. "I've been impaled!"

"Kens?" Callen calls again, the handle of the door wiggling, "you in there?"

"Yeah," she says in her best 'I definitely wasn't having sex in the workplace' voice. "Just had to grab some -" a ream of printer paper hits her in the chest "- paper."

She clutches her thin excuse with one hand and uses her other to try and smooth her hair.

"With a locked door?"

"Is it locked? Huh."

She reaches for the door and cracks it open, doing her best to slip out without revealing Deeks, who is most likely trying to locate his pants without the luxury of sight.

She steps into the hallway, blinking against the light as the door clicks behind her. She holds up the package and smiles. "Got some."

"Good," Callen says, smirking. "It's good that you got some."

She tells herself that it's only a double entendre to her. He couldn't have meant it as one.

She clears her throat. "Did you…?"

"Your turn to pick the lunch truck."

"Oh! Okay, yeah, right. Let me just," she lifts up the ream of paper, "get this into the printer and then I'll head out. Any requests?"

"Not me, no," he gestures toward the door behind her, "but I imagine Deeks would request you give him back his shirt."

She looks down and, sure enough, she's wearing her partner's favorite black vneck.

His smirk has morphed into a full on grin. "He doesn't quite have the boobs to fill out yours."


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post 6x07, Leipei

Kensi’s reaching for the toilet paper when the bathroom door opens. She practically jumps off the seat.

“Yo!”

"Jesus, Deeks!" She slams her knees together and tries to strategically place her hands.

He smiles. “Hi!”

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"I came in to see if you wanted Supreme or Meat Lover’s."

Anger, embarrassment and incredulity battle for dominance. “You what?”

He starts again, slower this time, like maybe she’s just having a listening problem. “I came in to see -“

“You came in to, you came in,” she throws up a hand before thinking better of it and immediately re-covering herself, “you could have asked through the door! You could have waited sixty seconds!”

He shrugs. “So, which do you want? Super Supreme maybe?”

“Which do - I want you to leave!” God, she is still sitting on the toilet with her pants around her ankles. It’s like the naked in public nightmare but slightly more horrific. She wants to flush herself down the pipes.

“What’s the matter? You don’t like an audience?”

“No, I don’t like an audience!”

“Do you have something you want to talk about Kens?” He looks concerned. “Some anxiety issues that we should get to the bottom of, maybe?”

She opens her mouth to respond and then snaps it closed. The embarrassment and incredulity step aside and let anger take the lead. “You’re comparing me to Monty?”

“Hey, you seemed to be so cavalier about pooping in public, I thought maybe it was something you were into.”

“I’m not poop - You are such an ass!”

He grins, totally proud of himself. Any other time she’d think it was adorable, but it’s hard to find the positive when you still have to wipe.

Kensi grabs a magazine off the back of the toilet and chucks it at him. “Get out!”

“No, but seriously, I was thinking we should order the -”

She throws a spare roll of toilet paper at his head.

He catches it, of course, and holds it up in question. “Are you asking me to assist?”

“Out!”

“I’d be more than happy to -”

“OUT!”

He slips out the door, closing it behind him as another roll of paper hits.

"You know what lashing out violently is a symptom of, don’t you?" he calls from the other side.

She throws another roll.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First line prompt from Anonymous on tumblr. Warning: slightly more mature than usual.

"Just take me home."

Deeks nods wordlessly, swallowing the question he knows she doesn't want to hear. Kensi crosses the bullpen and he follows, fingers digging into the strap of his messenger bag instead of falling gently on the small of her back.

The radio fills his car with noise, but the silence is still suffocating. He opens the window to let in the cold night air, but he still can't breathe.

He pulls into the driveway and steps out of the car, and an image flashes before his eyes. He sees a two-story house, flower boxes in the windows, a sprawling green yard with a tire swing, and a trike parked haphazardly by the front step. When the vision fades he sees reality: a small, beachfront bungalow, sand sprinkled beneath the two surfboards leaning on the wall beside the door.

It's not less than the first picture, not worse, just - different. Sometimes he wonders what that life would feel like, but his musings are always cut short by the feel of Kensi beside him and the confidence that he's made the right decision every step of the way. This is the life they've chosen. This is the life he loves.

The screen door squeaks as Kensi steps through it, pulling him out of his head.

He loves this life, but that doesn't mean it comes without downsides.

He finds her in the bathroom, the shower already running. Her hair's still wet from the one she took at the mission, but she's peeling off her clothes anyway.

"Kens," he starts.

She shakes her head and pulls back the curtain. "I'll be out in a minute."

His face falls and his heart clenches and he doesn't know what he should do, what he should say, if there's anything  _to_  say, but he wants more than anything to be beside her and he allows himself to believe she wants that too.

He slips out of his clothes and into the shower, where his wife of exactly two months is scrubbing furiously at her skin with what's left of a bar of soap, angry, red scratches following in its wake.

He covers her hand with his and slows her movements, guiding it up and down her forearm slowly, gently, the water falling across their bodies and burning them both.

She looks up at him, eyes filled with tears and he brings his free hand up to cup her cheek.

"I'm so sorry," she says, as her tears spill over. "I'm so sorry."

He presses his lips to hers with all the words he knows won't be enough. The soap drops to the floor as his other hand wraps around behind her, pressing her body into his.

"It's okay," he promises between open-mouthed kisses, his hand sliding down and slipping between their soapy bodies. "It's okay."

Her breath hitches when his fingers reach their destination, dipping inside her, following in the wake of a man that wasn't him. He tries not to feel the shadow of him there, tries to concentrate on the familiar feel of his wife against his skin.

"This is different," she says, her hands clutching desperately at his sides, and he wonders if she knows exactly what he's thinking or if she's saying it for herself, if she needs to be reminded.

"This is different," he agrees. That was the job and this is life and that wasn't love but this is,  _oh this is_ and he will never, ever let the job take that from him. "This is us."

She lets a sob escape into his mouth as he presses her against the tiles.

Together, they wash everything away.


End file.
